Supportive Parenting of Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE)

Clara is an 11-year-old middle school student in Montgomery, Alabama who cannot fall asleep without her parents sitting in the room with her. This started during a particularly stormy April two years ago, when she became anxious after repeated tornado watches and thunderstorms. Her parents have started taking turns sitting in her room until she falls asleep. Her parents are missing the time they used to spend together catching up on the day and watching a favorite TV show. Furthermore, if Clara awakens in the night, she cannot return to sleep without her parents coming to her room until she returns to sleep. Clara is invited to a friend’s birthday sleepover and really wants to go! Unfortunately, she feels too anxious about going to bed without her parents and decides to skip the sleepover. Her parents would like to travel together over the summer while Clara and her sister spend time with their grandparents, but they worry that leaving Clara at night will be too difficult. They ultimately decide they will skip any travel so that Clara does not become upset.

Fourteen-year-old Jamal from Birmingham, Alabama was sick with flu last year and is now extremely concerned about any germs entering the house. He engages in lengthy rituals to sterilize the house. Because this worry about sickness is so overwhelming for him, his parents and younger sister immediately change clothes when they enter the home and wash their hands for at least 2 minutes whenever they have been outside.  His sister is not allowed to invite friends over to play in case they might be carrying germs. His parents have changed their work schedules to drive him to and from school since he is too worried to ride the bus.

Both Clara and Jamal’s parents may diligently search for therapists who can treat their children’s anxiety or OCD. But what happens when Clara and Jamal decline to participate? Their parents may bring them every week, and both may sit in a therapy session for the hour. But what if they are unwilling to personally engage in any changes? They may assure the therapist that everything is fine, and they are not looking to make any changes. What can their parents do?

Empowering Parents

Many parents are surprised to learn that SPACE training for parents can make a drastic difference in their child’s anxiety or OCD symptoms, even though the child may not attend the therapy at all! That’s because parents have such a powerful impact on their child’s understanding of the world and how they can handle situations.  I remember my two-year-old son worrying that a tiger would attack him in our home and seeking me out to protect him. Eight years later, he knows that I probably can’t stop a direct tiger attack, but he continues to look to his father and me for assurance for all sorts of life situations. Even as a psychologist in my 40s, I continue to look to my own parents for reassurance about challenges in parenting or in navigating career changes. It is natural and appropriate for children (of any age) to seek assurance from their parents.

Parents are often intrigued to try SPACE but have a few questions:

Is my child’s anxiety my fault?

Your child’s anxiety is definitely NOT your fault, but, as the parent, you play a vital role in empowering your child to confidently face their fears. In the interest of household peace and protecting your child from distress, you probably also do things for them or help them avoid things that make them anxious. You are uniquely positioned to help them learn to address their fears with confidence. As a small child, I remember being very afraid that the witch from Rapunzel was in our house. My parents offered me support and guidance to deal with this fear, and I moved past it. I’m no longer afraid of a witch in the house, but I’m a little afraid of job changes, menopause, and parenting teenagers. Fortunately, my parents’ confidence in me helps me continue to face these fears that arise in each stage of life. We work with many parents who themselves were raised with no support and no accommodation of fears, being told “If you don’t quit crying, I’ll give you something to cry about!” Many parents understandably don’t want to repeat that pattern! Accommodation says, “You can’t handle this fear. We need to change our lives so you don’t feel afraid.” Support says, “I know this is scary, but you can handle scary things! We are here to walk beside you.” The goal of SPACE is to reduce accommodation and increase support.

What if my child gets over their fear of tornados, tigers, etc. but starts fearing something else?  

This is a common concern. We will be able to work with several fears in SPACE. More importantly, we will help train you to offer your child support in dealing with ANY fear as well as reduction of accommodation. Anxiety tells your child that this fear feels terrible and overwhelming, and they can’t handle it. It tells them that they must avoid feeling anxiety and should seek to have their family accommodate their fears so that they don’t feel afraid. However, support tells your child that they may feel uncomfortable during a thunderstorm or when thinking about germs, but they can handle this discomfort. Support tells them they can take reasonable steps to mitigate risk, such as staying inside during a thunderstorm, washing their hands, and staying out of the tiger enclosure at the zoo. Support also tells them they can take some risks in support of a full and rewarding life. For example, there is a risk of falling off their bike when learning to ride, and there is a risk of getting sick if going to a crowded party. But both of those things may be well worth the risk when we consider the reward they bring! Accommodation tells your child that they can’t handle falling asleep without parents since a thunderstorm might occur. It tells them that the whole family must skip Christmas church services in case there are germs. SPACE seeks to increase support in the family and decrease accommodation. SPACE teaches that anxiety may feel uncomfortable but cannot hurt them.

My child’s fears seem excessive, but isn’t it appropriate to have some fears?

Absolutely! At its core, anxiety is a helpful thing. It warns us when we are in danger. However, it can become excessive or linked to things that aren’t truly a significant cause for fear. Tornados are a good example to consider. Anyone in states such as Alabama, Missouri, and Tennessee should have a healthy concern for the destruction tornados can cause. It’s appropriate to have a plan for safe shelter and to own warning devices such as an NOAA weather radio. However, refusal to sleep alone, attend school, or attend social gatherings in the Spring just in case of a tornado will generally be excessive and cause significant issues with daily life.

Who is the patient here?

Although SPACE works with parents, the goal is to reduce your child’s anxiety. Therefore, when we explore therapy outcomes, we are primarily looking to see a reduction in your child’s anxiety. While parents may certainly see a reduction in their own distress and an increase in their self-efficacy, your SPACE therapist may encourage you to seek therapy for yourself or for you and your partner as a couple if it becomes clear that these are salient needs.

Will SPACE help?

Yes! SPACE has been intensively examined in multiple research studies and found to significantly reduce both parent and child-reported anxiety in children, adolescents, and young adults. In fact, several studies have shown SPACE to be as effective as therapies directly with the child.  

What age children does SPACE target?

SPACE has been found to be effective with children, adolescents, and young adults who are struggling to launch. SPACE includes common factors across all families, such as increasing support and reducing accommodation. This will look a little different for every family though. For 5-year-old Jamie in Huntsville, Alabama, this might involve parents showering without Jamie coming into the bathroom with them. For 20-year-old Emma in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, SPACE might mean that her parents no longer provide excessive reassurance about her academic concerns and do not contact professors on her behalf.

How do I schedule to begin SPACE?

You can click here to schedule a free consultation call or call our office at (205) 983-4063.